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Wednesday, July 7th, 2004
12:16 am - now
my new journal : ___crazydiamond
add it.

(1 | killed me)

Thursday, July 1st, 2004
5:00 am - add it
___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond ___crazydiamond

(killed me)

Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
9:35 pm
by the by
you can still get herpes with a condom on
fucking asshole.

(1 | killed me)

1:08 am
i visited my uncle in the hospital
it was so creepy
i was so scard and uncomfortable
and everyone could tell

broke up with the boyfriend
trying to get back on my feet
trying to be strong
it's so lonely at night
and i miss him so much already
i just want to hold him
and lay in his bed
like old times
but there will be no more of that

and i will be ok

(killed me)

Sunday, June 27th, 2004
11:36 pm

yet you make me want to shoot myself.

:: :edit: ::

my cousin michelle & me
it was her 9th birthday

(3 | killed me)

1:41 am

that's right.

current mood: drunk

(2 | killed me)

12:16 am - good times with the chuckster
my uncle chuck got me drunk!
tomorrow i got to go to a six year olds birthday party.
fuck i'm out of smokes.
uncle chucky will buy me more tomorro
i love this feeling.
had like four beers.
one had a shot of something in it
good fucking times

(killed me)

Friday, June 25th, 2004
11:23 pm
NarcolepticPug: I LOVE YOU!
The Kellylove: i love you
NarcolepticPug: *KISSES*
The Kellylove: i thought tahat you were leaving
NarcolepticPug: i am
NarcolepticPug: i just wanted to let you know that your the world to me

can you say awwwwww

(killed me)

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2004
3:25 pm
so yesterday i went to bed at 2 in the morning.
woke up at 7 at night.
17 hours of sleep
made a few phone calls.
went back to bed around 8 p.m.
woke up today at 2 in the after noon
18 more hours of sleep
and once i'm done with this i'm climbingright back into that bed.

(1 | killed me)

Monday, June 21st, 2004
1:26 am
my finger really fucking hurts
i miss bub!
i graduated on thursday
i was so upset because my sister didn't show up
then my mom and i got in a huge fight that was ridiculous
so i just left and spent the night at bryan's
i dyed my hair
it's darker
i had $720 in my hands and it was all my money
then i spent $400 of it shopping
good thing bryan was there to control my spending
talked to my dad for like a half hour and it was great

oh yeah and im typing this from my grandma's house in the state known for . . .
well for it's corn fields, illinois
it's so awesome here though
i love how my uncle chuck and i go to a smoke shop
as soon as we walk in he's like oh do you need some too
and then he pays for mine
after asking what a turkish gold is
it was funny
i'll be home on the 10th and after that i'd just like to see anyone try and pry me off of bryan
it's not gonna happen
i'm listening to wild horses by rolling stones
it reminds me of you because you like that song
and it applies

and bubba . . .
i love you . . .
but stop calling me!
= ]

i love how my family loves to spend money on me.
this is so cool.

(killed me)

Monday, June 14th, 2004
2:33 pm
p.s. i still love myselfCollapse )

(2 | killed me)

2:07 pm
In the last two days more has happened then you could possibly imagine.
First, my mother's boyfriend of 10 years told her that he had never "officially" divorced his wife.
She passed away a few days ago so her house and business are now his.
He said that if her hospital bills aren't too high then he will pay for my moms college if she moves to San Jose with him.
That's like a 6 or 8 hour drive.
She told me that i'm 18 and she can't force me to do anything that i don't want to and just to think about it.

Later that night I get a call from my mother while i'm out saying that she just bought my plane ticket for me to go out to my grandma&aunt's in indiana and i leave this sunday.
i will be gone for three weeks.

This morning we find out that while my sister's car was parked on the street last night somebody hit it.
It's totalled and the guy ran off.
she just paid it off a week ago.
she was parked on the right side of the street and after the guy made a turn he hit her car head on.
it was hit so hard that her car was pushed back and push the car behind her into a third car.
funny thing is, when he hit her car his license plate fell off so the police can easily find him.

Then afew minutes later i broke up with my boyfriend of 13 months.
we had an extremely emotional talk in his mothers car for 2 hours.
i feel like i just need to be alone for awhile.
and it hurts so much because at the same time i love him more than anything
he is my world.
but the fact is that he is causing extreme problems in my family, causing extremestress to me, and he is changing me into someone that i am not.
so i feel that i have to be on my own for a little while to find out who i am.
then maybe once i'm comfortable with that we can be friends or something
oh god
i love him so much
i just want to be with him right now more than anything
i know that what i'm doing is right but it is so hard
i can't take it
i just want to hold him
and kiss him
and tell him that everything will be alright
because i know that everything will
and the only reason that i say mean things to hurt him is to push him away
i don't want to

i don't know
i'm still wearing thhe ring he gave me
and i'm not taking it off
one day
one day we will be together again
i'm sure of it
but i feel like i'm dying inside
like nothing matters anymore
i don't fucking want to go tto my graduation ceremony on thursday
i don't want a dress
i don't want to get new clothes
i don't want to leave for three weeks and shack up with my hick family
i don't want to be alone.

oh yeah and on saturday night bryan and i went to a pink floyd/led zeppelin cover band show at the galaxy
it was so awesome it was unbelieveable
we got in a fight though
and bryan was like come on we are leaving
and i said no.
and then he was standing behind me becuase i wouldn't leave
and then

they played wish you were here
which is our song
i cried then entire time
and i told him how much i love him
it was just so moving
and to here that song being played by instruments right in front of you.
it's like nothing else in the world
i love that moment
they have another show there next month i think
i'm going no matter what

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

i miss you.

(killed me)

Friday, June 4th, 2004
12:16 pm
my very very good dayCollapse )

i love bryan
and jimmy
and especially kendra
= ]

(1 | killed me)

Monday, May 31st, 2004
1:16 am
sooooooo fucking much going on.
but at the same time nothing at all.
had a good night with bryan on saturday
minus the sunburn
and minus having to leave.
i have no motivation
none at all
no motivation to do anything
it fucking sucks
and frightens me at the same time
so much to think about.

(killed me)

Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
1:22 pm
yesterday at work some man told me that I looked like molly ringwald.
in a good way.
then last night I watched breakfast club
then sixteen candles @ 12
it was my first time seeing both
then breakfast club again @ 2
which really is the most quotable movie
then sixteen candles again @ 4
what are the chances that both of those movies were on one after the other, twice?
fell asleep about half way through.
woke up this afternoon @ exactly 2 22.

(killed me)

Saturday, May 22nd, 2004
2:46 pm - Attention all females!!!!!!!!
thisCollapse ) is jimmy.

= ]

(3 | killed me)

Thursday, May 20th, 2004
2:00 pm
you and me
should be dancing in the sheets

(killed me)

Wednesday, May 12th, 2004
12:47 am - touch me, tease me
tonight was so great
jimmy was so drunk when he first came over.
random drama shit happened.
paige chugged, i mean drank, too much.
bryan and jimmy were trying to move her into the bedroom
and after all of their effort
of finally getting her up
then carrying her in the room
she just walks right back out
so that she could lay back down in aarons bed
it was too fucking funny.
started watching the doors movie but then got distracted.
my mother finally called and yelled at me to get home.
luckily ray came home right then
otherwise i would've been in a taxi.
how frightening.
i love my baby more than anything.
and i needed a fun night like tonight very badly.

(5 | killed me)

Sunday, May 9th, 2004
8:24 pm
May 9th
one year ago today i asked someone very very special to me if we could be more than friends
one year ago my life changed for the better
one year ago i wasn't alone anymore
one fucking year . . .

and i have loved every second between that day and this one.

Fuck Mother's Day.

(2 | killed me)

Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
11:40 pm
it's devastating
to sit here
and listen to my mother
because i
her so much

(9 | killed me)

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